Puns & Jokes
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
A dog breeder crossed a setter and a pointer at Christmas time and got a pointsetter.
Do old female dogs go through menopaws?
My pet is very agreeable. He’s a seeing-eye-to-eye dog.
When baking dog biscuits, be sure to use collie flour.
A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
Even the best bird dog is only good to a point.
My sled dog never barks. He is a male mute.
When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home.
A dog not only has a fur coat but also pants
He said his dog won first in class. I smiled only as a cur to see.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
A dog with his leg wrapped hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: ”I’m lookin’ fer the man who shot my paw.”
I agreed to watch my neighbor’s dog, but only if it didn’t scratch me. It’s in the clause.
Since they started paying dog catchers by the pound, they’re feline the pinch.
A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: ”I’m lookin’ fer the man who shot my paw.”
I trained my dog to hunt for underground mushrooms but now he’s more truffle than he’s worth.
Somebody was running a flea circus, but a dog came and stole the show.
A dyslexic atheist with insomnia lays awake wondering if there really IS a Dog
I watched a dog get killed by a cantaloupe someone threw out of a window, so needless to say, the whole situation was meloncollie.
The little green men told me it was the Dog Star. I told them they can’t be Sirius.
A man brought his retriever to the vet for some tests and had to pay a lab fee.
I went to the zoo yesterday but they only had one dog. It was a shit tsu.
The medical term for owning too many dogs? A roverdose.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He goes up to the bar and announces: ”I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
If a dog has puppies in a public place, can they be arrested for littering?
The race dogs got a bad case of the fleas – they had to be scratched.
After having an accident on the car’s rug, the puppy was stripped of his car pet privileges.
If a dog was computer literate, would his bark be worse than his byte?
The valuable dog was still missing, believed stolen, however the police announced they have a lead.
Are dog biscuits made of collie flour?
It was raining cats and dogs. There were poodles all over the road.
They tore strips off my dog before kicking him off that logging ship. He was disembarked.
Bird-dogs are great for music, because they’re both woofers and tweeters.
It’s raining cats and dogs, I just stepped in a poodle. Well, at least it won’t reindeer.
What does Snoop Dog use to do his laundry?
Did you hear about the two seeing eye dogs that went on a blind date?
It’s raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn’t reindeer.
What happened to the dog who swallowed the watch? He got ticks
A 3 legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
My dog was mustard-colored. That made him a Gulden Retriever.
What’s the difference between a well dressed man and a dog? The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.
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: A joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words that sound alike but have different meanings.
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